Normally I would be over the moon at the prospect of any of our dogs getting adopted and especially one who has been at BF for so long and has a bite history and aggression issues, like Tasha. But Tasha is my girl, I have spent months working on building a relationship of trust with this dog and she now freely lets me do things with her, like rub her belly, that she will tolerate only for a few strokes, if that, from most people. She is my special buddy at the Lodges and all of my coworkers (both within the Lodges and beyond) keep commenting that I should just get it over with and take her home already and the same thought has been rolling around in my mind for weeks now. But I keep reminding myself that there are still trips to be taken and adventures to be had that won’t really work well with a dog and I don’t want to be one of those people that adopts pets and then dumps them off one their parents at the drop of a hat. A pet is a lifetime commitment and I don’t know if I am ready to change the plans in my mind - I am a traveler and I love to explore new places and cultures, wanderlust runs in my veins to the very core of who I am as a person. After my two months in Guatemala three years ago (too long!!), the thought of a week or two in a new place just seems to be way too little to really get to know more than the touristy stuff. I don’t want to do that, I want to go to new places and see new things and become more connected to the culture and people than would ever be possible in just a week. Which brings me back to Tasha, I find myself thinking a lot about what will happen if she goes, or if she doesn’t. I have been telling myself all along that her getting adopted to a good family is the best result possible. I want her to have a forever home and family and I would love to give that to her myself, but I also don’t want to grow to resent her being in my life because it limits my ability to travel on my terms. But then I think about walking into her lodge and her run and she is not there and it makes me want to cry just at the thought of it. Truly, I would be so happy for her if she found a home, but it would be so very difficult to say good bye to her. I have connected with her in a way that I haven’t with any other dog at the sanctuary. Don’t get me wrong, I love all our dogs and I want only the best homes and families for each and every one of them, but Tasha is my kid, she is becoming my constant side kick at work. She is incredibly well behaved with me and is much more relaxed with new people than she used to be; she is even “auditioning” to be an out dog (a dog that gets to spend the day out of their run and off leash because they can be trusted to not get into trouble - too much). Each day for the last week or so, around 4pm, I go get her from her run and she hangs out with me and we go visit people at the clinic and let resters out and do meds. She has been great and people that have known her for a very long time keep commenting that she is doing so well lately and she is not nearly as grouchy and aggressive as she once was. She has definitely mellowed with age, but I also keep hearing comments when people see us together like, “Oh Tasha, I am so happy you have finally found somebody new that you can love.” And now the thought of saying good bye to her and letting somebody else have her is really eating at me. Keeley even told me today that when she met Tasha there was something about her that she really liked and she wanted to start working with her and then a couple months after Keeley started, I came along and we were both working with Tasha and Keeley could just see that there was a different sort of connection between Tasha and I that they didn’t have. I have been hearing these kinds of remarks for weeks now and it was finally starting to sink in that if I left BF and Tasha was still here, in spite of any pending plans, I don’t think I could leave her behind. But now I am faced with the prospect of her leaving me behind and I just don’t know if I can say good bye to her at all. However, at this point, it is out of my hands, so I guess if it is meant to be it will be and I am just going to have to sweat it out for a couple of weeks and hope for the best for Tasha.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
What If . . .
I got some great news yesterday, sort of. I have been working at BF for nearly four months now and it wasn’t until this week that I finally got my computer user name and login information so that I could start checking the email address that had been set up for me when I started (I had 220 unread messages) and have access to the computers for the necessary “office” stuff that is included in this job. On day two of my email access I received an email from our adoptions coordinator informing me that Tasha has an adoption application and the woman is planning to come out and meet her on Feb 14.
Normally I would be over the moon at the prospect of any of our dogs getting adopted and especially one who has been at BF for so long and has a bite history and aggression issues, like Tasha. But Tasha is my girl, I have spent months working on building a relationship of trust with this dog and she now freely lets me do things with her, like rub her belly, that she will tolerate only for a few strokes, if that, from most people. She is my special buddy at the Lodges and all of my coworkers (both within the Lodges and beyond) keep commenting that I should just get it over with and take her home already and the same thought has been rolling around in my mind for weeks now. But I keep reminding myself that there are still trips to be taken and adventures to be had that won’t really work well with a dog and I don’t want to be one of those people that adopts pets and then dumps them off one their parents at the drop of a hat. A pet is a lifetime commitment and I don’t know if I am ready to change the plans in my mind - I am a traveler and I love to explore new places and cultures, wanderlust runs in my veins to the very core of who I am as a person. After my two months in Guatemala three years ago (too long!!), the thought of a week or two in a new place just seems to be way too little to really get to know more than the touristy stuff. I don’t want to do that, I want to go to new places and see new things and become more connected to the culture and people than would ever be possible in just a week. Which brings me back to Tasha, I find myself thinking a lot about what will happen if she goes, or if she doesn’t. I have been telling myself all along that her getting adopted to a good family is the best result possible. I want her to have a forever home and family and I would love to give that to her myself, but I also don’t want to grow to resent her being in my life because it limits my ability to travel on my terms. But then I think about walking into her lodge and her run and she is not there and it makes me want to cry just at the thought of it. Truly, I would be so happy for her if she found a home, but it would be so very difficult to say good bye to her. I have connected with her in a way that I haven’t with any other dog at the sanctuary. Don’t get me wrong, I love all our dogs and I want only the best homes and families for each and every one of them, but Tasha is my kid, she is becoming my constant side kick at work. She is incredibly well behaved with me and is much more relaxed with new people than she used to be; she is even “auditioning” to be an out dog (a dog that gets to spend the day out of their run and off leash because they can be trusted to not get into trouble - too much). Each day for the last week or so, around 4pm, I go get her from her run and she hangs out with me and we go visit people at the clinic and let resters out and do meds. She has been great and people that have known her for a very long time keep commenting that she is doing so well lately and she is not nearly as grouchy and aggressive as she once was. She has definitely mellowed with age, but I also keep hearing comments when people see us together like, “Oh Tasha, I am so happy you have finally found somebody new that you can love.” And now the thought of saying good bye to her and letting somebody else have her is really eating at me. Keeley even told me today that when she met Tasha there was something about her that she really liked and she wanted to start working with her and then a couple months after Keeley started, I came along and we were both working with Tasha and Keeley could just see that there was a different sort of connection between Tasha and I that they didn’t have. I have been hearing these kinds of remarks for weeks now and it was finally starting to sink in that if I left BF and Tasha was still here, in spite of any pending plans, I don’t think I could leave her behind. But now I am faced with the prospect of her leaving me behind and I just don’t know if I can say good bye to her at all. However, at this point, it is out of my hands, so I guess if it is meant to be it will be and I am just going to have to sweat it out for a couple of weeks and hope for the best for Tasha.
Normally I would be over the moon at the prospect of any of our dogs getting adopted and especially one who has been at BF for so long and has a bite history and aggression issues, like Tasha. But Tasha is my girl, I have spent months working on building a relationship of trust with this dog and she now freely lets me do things with her, like rub her belly, that she will tolerate only for a few strokes, if that, from most people. She is my special buddy at the Lodges and all of my coworkers (both within the Lodges and beyond) keep commenting that I should just get it over with and take her home already and the same thought has been rolling around in my mind for weeks now. But I keep reminding myself that there are still trips to be taken and adventures to be had that won’t really work well with a dog and I don’t want to be one of those people that adopts pets and then dumps them off one their parents at the drop of a hat. A pet is a lifetime commitment and I don’t know if I am ready to change the plans in my mind - I am a traveler and I love to explore new places and cultures, wanderlust runs in my veins to the very core of who I am as a person. After my two months in Guatemala three years ago (too long!!), the thought of a week or two in a new place just seems to be way too little to really get to know more than the touristy stuff. I don’t want to do that, I want to go to new places and see new things and become more connected to the culture and people than would ever be possible in just a week. Which brings me back to Tasha, I find myself thinking a lot about what will happen if she goes, or if she doesn’t. I have been telling myself all along that her getting adopted to a good family is the best result possible. I want her to have a forever home and family and I would love to give that to her myself, but I also don’t want to grow to resent her being in my life because it limits my ability to travel on my terms. But then I think about walking into her lodge and her run and she is not there and it makes me want to cry just at the thought of it. Truly, I would be so happy for her if she found a home, but it would be so very difficult to say good bye to her. I have connected with her in a way that I haven’t with any other dog at the sanctuary. Don’t get me wrong, I love all our dogs and I want only the best homes and families for each and every one of them, but Tasha is my kid, she is becoming my constant side kick at work. She is incredibly well behaved with me and is much more relaxed with new people than she used to be; she is even “auditioning” to be an out dog (a dog that gets to spend the day out of their run and off leash because they can be trusted to not get into trouble - too much). Each day for the last week or so, around 4pm, I go get her from her run and she hangs out with me and we go visit people at the clinic and let resters out and do meds. She has been great and people that have known her for a very long time keep commenting that she is doing so well lately and she is not nearly as grouchy and aggressive as she once was. She has definitely mellowed with age, but I also keep hearing comments when people see us together like, “Oh Tasha, I am so happy you have finally found somebody new that you can love.” And now the thought of saying good bye to her and letting somebody else have her is really eating at me. Keeley even told me today that when she met Tasha there was something about her that she really liked and she wanted to start working with her and then a couple months after Keeley started, I came along and we were both working with Tasha and Keeley could just see that there was a different sort of connection between Tasha and I that they didn’t have. I have been hearing these kinds of remarks for weeks now and it was finally starting to sink in that if I left BF and Tasha was still here, in spite of any pending plans, I don’t think I could leave her behind. But now I am faced with the prospect of her leaving me behind and I just don’t know if I can say good bye to her at all. However, at this point, it is out of my hands, so I guess if it is meant to be it will be and I am just going to have to sweat it out for a couple of weeks and hope for the best for Tasha.
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Aw, this is sad. I have rescued and fostered at least 20 dogs in the last 15 years. These dogs have lived in my house as pets while I had them which might be anywhere from a few days to the longest which was 3 years. A lab/chow mix was the 3 year foster and I thought he was my dog but then this girl showed up and said, oh I want a dog JUST LIKE THAT! And, I let Raleigh go with her and he lived a lovely life with her. At least half of those dogs took a piece of me with them when they went on to their new lives. But, if I hadn't let those dogs go to the new families there is no way I could have helped the next dog. It isn't as though I can keep 25 dogs in my house! Even if I had the space, it wouldn't be kind to them. The first one, Kanga, an ACD who lived with me for about 6 months and who I really loved I cried all the way home when I took her to her new family and then I cried again when they told me that she had sat at the door whining and waiting for me to come back for a full day. But, I saw Kanga with her family a couple of months later and she barely paid any attention to me at all. She truly had a new family. You're just going to have to discover for yourself what you can and can't do but I decided that my rules are that I won't keep more than 6 dogs in my house at any one time and I don't set a time limit on how long I will keep any foster dog and I let myself think of them as being fully my pet while they are with me and just remember Kanga and how happy she was with her new people and how many dogs I have been able to help since then because I was willing to trust that it would work out.
Sorry, that was probably WAY more than you wanted to know. I hope you and Tasha find peace with whatever happens!
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